Mothers Day is this weekend. I’m sure you know that, but I have to constantly remind myself that is day is approaching. If it sneaks up on me, and it has before, I’ll emotionally spiral and it’ll be a mess. I dread mothers day every year, it used to just be because mine was gone, but now it’s for other reasons to. So this one is going out to all the Mama’s. The grandmama’s, the regular mama’s, the not yet mama’s, the happy mama’s, the grieving mama’s, the mama’s of babies already here and the mama’s of babies that went on home.
While as a society we love to celebrate our Mama’s, Mothers Day is immensely hard for a lot of us. We used to love Mothers Day like everyone else, but then something happened that causes a sting that wasn’t there before. Some of the sting is caused by loss of our mother, whether that be through death, through abandonment, through hurt, or that we never knew what a real mom was. Some sting is caused by the desire to be a mother but it hasn’t happened yet, whether that be through singleness, miscarriage, infant loss, or failed adoptions.
As this day approaches each year, my heart sinks a little more as I’m losing the memory of what Mom’s laugh sounded like and just being able to hear her same my name. But my heart sinks even more this year as I’ve watched sweet friends lose that life growing inside them, as little children have lost a faithful mother too soon, as friends are trying to figure out what a real mom even is, as a little girl is finally in a home full of love but doesn’t know how to accept it. Friends, I know how hard this day is. I know that plastered on smile you have as you walk into church on this day and watch these women be celebrated, all the while you’re breaking inside.
I know you miss that baby you never got to meet. I know you spend your days thinking about what he or she would look like, whose nose they’d have, what color their hair would be, if they had a laugh that could simultaneously break your heart and make it burst with joy. I know you grieve over the fact that you never got to hear their first cries or feel their heartbeat underneath your hand. I know that joy was taken from you the moment they were gone. I hurt with you, sweet friend.
I know you’re angry that your mother treated you the way she did and that you feel like you got cheated out of a “good” mom. I know you’re angry that everyone always saw her as perfect and kind and loving, but you saw a darker side. A side that no one would believe if you ever told them. I know that anxiety you feel inside that you’ll end up like her, although you’re family tells you different. I know you ache for the mother you could’ve had but didn’t. I hurt with you, sweet friend.
I know you’re still struggling with not having kids yet. I know you look at all these couples with small armies of children and you’re wondering yet again, “Why not me?” Everyone tells you that you have a gift with children and other mothers ask why you haven’t had any yet. You give them the same answer each time but they still ask. I know you physically ache to hold, love, and raise your own but it still hasn’t happened. I hurt with you, sweet friend.
I know the ache that never goes away since your mom left this world. I know with each passing year, you miss her more. I know that sometimes you forget she’s no longer here and you find yourself about to call her only to be hit with the harsh reality of her absence. I know that you try to hide the pain of missing her but it comes up with no warning at all. I know you sob all alone in your room when the pain gets to be too much. I hurt too, sweet friend.
Mothers Day can be such a sweet day, but I and many others find it bittersweet most years. We celebrate the ones we love but we hurt for ones lost. We celebrate for the already and long for the not yet. If any of these are you, know that you aren’t alone. I think there’s a little bit of hurt in all of us when it comes to this day, even if we’re afraid to admit it. If you find yourself hurting this mothers day, know that you aren’t alone, and that you can always, always turn to the comforter of it all. Jesus doesn’t leave us in our pits of grief, He’s there with open arms to comfort any and all.
Happy Mothers Day to all those celebrating and those being celebrated. We’re thankful for you. To the hurting, I see you, I hear you, I am you. Find comfort in the One who is making all things new.
“Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant.”
Psalm 119:76 ESV
Beauty in the Ashes 